Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
