He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
