She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
