I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
