I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize