he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
