from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
