I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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