The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
