Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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