We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
