I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
