Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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