I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
