she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
There are leaves in my underwear?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
