do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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