I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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