happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
