My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
