Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
