Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
