Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
