Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
