I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
