Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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