I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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