He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
