Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
