They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
