just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize