he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I've blown a few things in my day
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize