He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize