i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
