I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Girls should come with a carfax report
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
