I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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