im gay
i know
yea but for you.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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