from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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