I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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