I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize