I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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