I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
