that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
