My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
