btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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