So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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