Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
