4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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