were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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