tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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