he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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