Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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