I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
