So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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