i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
