Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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