I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
