Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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