I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
