she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
