Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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