Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
