Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
