I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he thought i was a dude.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
