Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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