$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
