do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
