So drunk its hurt
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
