I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
