That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
