Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
