you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I know her cup size but not her name....
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