I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
