there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
