we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
