fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
