im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
