I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
