Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
