I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
