I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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