So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
