my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
