Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
