Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Those nachos came to me in a dream
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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