only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
