____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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