I hate your face
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
