he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Rumble strips road head = magical
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
