very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I need to sanitize my soul.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
