Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize